• 50 THINGS I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO IN HOGWART


    1. I will not scream "VOLDEMORT!" In the school hallways. It is not cool at all.
    2. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony."
    3. The Muggle known as Barrack Obama is not related to or working for Lord Voldemort in any way, and I am to stop insinuating that he is.
    4. "Potter 6, Voldemort 0", is not a valid T-shirt slogan.
    5. If I am a animagus I will not transform into Miss Norris and do bestiality on others.
    6. I will not hex Draco's fan club, no matter how annoying their squealing is.
    7. I will not swipe wine and go into the forest looking for the centaurs in hopes they will lighten up.
    8. I will not place bowtruckles on teacher's chairs.
    9. I will not plan death matches between a crup and Fluffy.
    10. I will not convince students that thestrals are in their beds with them.
    11. I will not use Wingardium Leviosa on anyone's skirts
    12. I will not clone and sell Slughorn's memories
    13. I am not allowed to ask Pure blood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?
    14. I'm not allowed to blame the floating cake that resulted in a food fight in the the Great hall on a house elf.
    15. I'm not allowed to make Voldemort versions of Chuck Norris jokes.
    16. I will not ask Professor Flitwick if he will be my personal "mini me"
    17. Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house.
    18. Telling everyone that the condition of Professor Snape's hair has something to do with the Muggle movie "There's Something About Mary."
    20. I will not be selling Umbridge's quill to emo students, especially if they're no good at poetry.
    21. Under no circumstances I will not attempt to create a Holy Hand Grenade
    22. I will not polyjuice myself and a friend to look like Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, then give each other passionate kisses in public.
    23. Replying every question that Professor Lupin asks with, "Are you Si-rious?" is not funny, not even the first time.
    24. Draco Malfoy's name is not Westley, nor the Dread Pirate Roberts, and I should stop referring to him as such.
    25. I will not put acid candies into the wiggenweld potion.
    26. I will not bring Pokemon cards to Hogwarts and convince Hagrid that they're real animals
    27. I will not use gnome as a substitute for quaffles in Quidditch pratices.
    28. I will not walk down the corridors screaming "OMG! A WITCH!" at the sight of every female I encounter.
    29. I will not ask Tonks if the new puppy she has is her and Lupin's kid
    30. I will not tell Peeves about paint balls.
    31. I will not cast a levitation spell on myself while singing 'I Believe I Can Fly'
    32. I will not throw objects through Professor Binns in order to stay awake.
    33. I will not sell Draught Of The Living Deads as Love potion for first years.
    34. I will not polyjuice into dead students and talk with the teachers.
    35. I will not address the former Headmaster as Alby.
    36. I will not charm chocolate frog cards to insult their holders.
    37. I will not pretend a violent trance in Professor Trelawney's class, and "predict" that Crabbe & Goyle prefer to wear lacy women's underwear.
    38. I will not ask Professor Lupin if he ever watched Twilight. Ever.
    39. I will not give coconuts wings and then insist they do migrate.
    40. I will not try to sell Lord Voldemort Gro-Gains.
    41. I will not stalk Professor Lupin with a camera and act like it's a Steve Irwin specialty on werewolves.
    42. I will not steal Harry's invisibility cloak and hide in the Gryffindor opposite gender's dorm room, no matter how tempting it is.
    43. I will not give Harry's invisibility cloak to Peeves, even if it IS funny.
    44. I will not sneak magical creatures into the school. *looks pointedly at Hagrid*
    45. The theory of sleeping with the Professors to get good grades is not something I should experiment.
    46. I will not take my destructive puppy to Sirius for a good scolding.
    47. I will not kill all rats in sight in high hopes of killing Wormtail.
    48. I will not draw very suggestive pictures of Professor Lupin and Professor Snape and leave them lying around in the halls.
    49. I will not make bets with my fellow students on how long our latest DADA Professor will last.
    50. I will not paint mustaches on the portraits while they are sleeping.