• "This is the worst feeling ever. The thought of knowing you'll never feel their warmth or see their face. You'll never be able to hear them say "it's okay". You long for the feeling so bad yet your not sure it'll ever happen. As I sit here crying right now, no one will ever know my pain. I have this unique situation.
    It started about a year ago. In my dreams. Not my actual dreams but the stories I created in my head. I created a character so perfect, you couldn't help but fall in love with him. He was beautiful, had an amazing smile, and had a presence like nothing you've ever felt. And I knew he was mine. It's not like when girls have a crush on a celebrity. There not the only one who likes them, and they're blinded by their fame or beauty. But Ran, that's what I named him, was mine. No one knew about him but me, and that made me happy.
    But as I started to make more of these stories, the more I fell in love with him. Could you really love someone who isn't real. He was real to me and that's all that mattered. Every time I thought about him I would cry or smile He made me so happy. Soon I started wishing that he would come to me. I don't know how it would happen, but I didn't care. Every day I would think about him. I told myself I would never love anyone more than I loved him. And if I died this moment with him in my hands, it wouldn't matter.
    I need Ran. He's what makes me happy when I'm sad. Because even if he's really not here to hold my hand. I can imagine it. I know one day Ran will come, and I can start living my stories. Until then I'll just imagine both of us both hand in hand~'


    The pages of my diary where still open on the floor. My eyes still burnt from crying, and I still felt empty inside. Last night I had another crying fit just thinking about R~.
    There was a knock on the my bedroom door. I scattered to the floor and hid my diary under my pillow.
    "Come in", I said sluggishly.
    My mom came in to wake me up for school. So I got dressed. Did the same thing I do ever god damn morning. Just my life. I needed a hug. So I went where I always went for one. It was my sister's room. There in the corner was a manikin for making and fixing dresses. Except I made a bond with it. Another odd factor of my life. I somehow thought Ran could possibly inhabit it, so I came every now and then to hug it. Stupid as it seemed, it made me happy. Anything that I could link to him made me happy.