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There is world far from our own, where the grass is as lush and green as anyone has ever seen. While the trees all show their spectacular autumn colors all year round, the serene mountains are covered with snow that is warm to the touch. The moon as big and as bright as a diamond shines in its own created nightlight. The sun is so afraid of the strength and beauty of the moon it always hides behind the darkest of clouds, which in turn creates a false-night. This, my friends, is the planet of Ambrosia.
Many creatures live on this vast, beautiful planet. Many our race will only dream of glimpsing. Ambrosia harbors many wondrous species most of which are as unique and graceful as the world they inhabit. Almost all of the creatures that call this world home live in perfect harmony. Among these harmonious species is the unicorn, the fairy, the elf, and the cherub. However, there is one species that is awake during the hours of the sun that cause all of the other inhabitants to tremble in fear. They call themselves the Beezels.
The Beezels are an unpleasant group. They hold all the evils of the entire planet. They are ugly, mean, horrible, and terrifying! They stalk around Ambrosia during the hours of the sun hunting for any weak creature they can find. When they find a poor, helpless little creature they pick them up in there claws and carry them off to their underground hideaway. Nothing knows what happens to them once they are in there because nothing has ever been seen again that has been captured by the Beezels. No creature has ever dared to go looking for any of their friends or family members that went missing because of the fear of being caught themselves. No creature dared to go looking, until the kings daughter was found to be missing...
To be continued.
- by xXWhoWants2BNormalNeWayXx |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 06/20/2009 |
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- Title: The Beezels
- Artist: xXWhoWants2BNormalNeWayXx
- Description: This happens to me a lot but, I just looked at the picture and this idea popped into my head. Is it any good? Should I continue? Feedback will be greatly appreciated! (By the way I wrote it at one in the morning, so I was tired. Be reasonable.)
- Date: 06/20/2009
- Tags: beezels xxwhowants2bnormalnewayxx ambrosia unicorns otherworld
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Comments (4 Comments)
- NotTheSoldier - 07/21/2009
- Oh wow! I love it! You should definately continue, I can't wait to read more ^^ You are such a descriptive writer, most writers who think themselves descriptive would tremble if they read this (I'm being serious by the way)
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- xXWhoWants2BNormalNeWayXx - 06/23/2009
- Thank you for the critique! I did write it at like one in the morning and didn't check it over -_-* And I see what you mean about the confusingness. It is only the intro though!
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- Midnight Jasp - 06/22/2009
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I like it! There's something about your style of writing which just draws me in. A few points, though: some of the sentences (particularly in the first paragraph) were a little confusing: maybe you could try changing the word order? Also, you could vary the sentence length and structure a little more, having some one-word sentences and some longer, descriptive ones.
On the whole, though, it's very nice and you do have a great style! - Report As Spam
- xXWhoWants2BNormalNeWayXx - 06/20/2009
- I want to be a Fictional Novelist when I get older. Does anyone think I am good enough?
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