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There was an wolf who was born under the tree of majestic fire and the sky of silent ice. He was born with a sword in paw and shield in the other. His name was Zuzaku. His parents died the day after his birth but before there death they gave him an amulet to tell him what he has to do. He then grew up in the Leaf town of Uzaku. He trained with the greatest wolf warrior of all. His name was Mazuki the wolf of the gods also wielding the holy dark sword of Babylon. They trained well and hard teaching Zuzaku everything Mazuki knew. In the end the Leaf town was attacked by Nightmares a rare form of monster. People turn into Nightmares only when they die and if they took the life away from a good one. Mazuki was killed but last saying these words. You must look unto yourself to find the real you. Please…. find the temple of gods and kill the evil god of darkness…..then was dead. Zuzaku was filled with sadness and anger. He took the sword of Babylon and ran as fats as he could to the temple wipping out anyone and everything in his way with no rest or stops. He just keep running to take revenge. He went to the temple and rested for 10 mins. He said U b*****d U WILL PAY FOR KILLING MY FRIENDS,MY FAMILY,MY LIFE! AGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! then he charged for the god of darkness. He gets inside and everything is pitch black then he said COME OUT U COWERD FIGHT ME LIKE A REAL GOD NOT A WEAK MORTAL LIKE U SAY WE ARE! Then he came out and said MUHAHAHAHA! Then he held up 2 orbs. One holding his parents and the other holding Mazuki. He screamed and attacked him doing an ancient art. That move was this he said HOLY LIGHT OF THE GODS AND DARKNESS OF HELL GIVE ME UR POWER SMAZUKICONA! Then slashes through god of darkness with all his might. He fell to his knees crying for gods mercy to revive his life and his friends and family….. Then a burst of light revived the temple then all gods appeared before him. He looked up and bowed your highnesses he said. They said we shall revive your friends,villiage,and family. Thank you for reviving us Zuzaku here is our gift. They revived everyone and everything. They went back to the leaf town like nothing happened and Mazuki said you keep the sword.
THEN END
- by Keyblader Cloud Strife |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/27/2008 |
- Skip
- Title: The Fire Ice Wolf of The Gods
- Artist: Keyblader Cloud Strife
- Description: here plz leave only good comments:3
- Date: 11/27/2008
- Tags: fire wolf gods
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Comments (7 Comments)
- Yan Qi - 08/29/2009
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I KNOW YOU ONLY SAID GOOD COMMENTS, BUT I REALLY REALLY WANT TO READ THIS STORY!
1. The dialogue isn't written correctly.
2. The sentences are choppy.
3. The paragraphs aren't seperated.
I only point this out because it sounds like you have something original going here, but these four main things make it impossible to read and understand fully. - Report As Spam
- Alex Princess of Unitopea - 01/23/2009
- ok for one thing about the wolf's mom dying the day after it was born is IMPOSSIBLE. The wolf would have died!! You also rushed it too much I don't care if this is you first time you don't just WING IT you BRAINSTORM!!!!!!!
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- Kitty_Katastrophe - 01/12/2009
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I was giving you a break. That's why I gave you advice, rather than focusing on all the flaws in your writing.
Listen, if you're admitting that you didn't try, then don't expect people to like it. They won't lie just because of your age, or just because you did it for fun. These people don't know you, so they won't hesitate to tell you what they really think.
So either fix it, or accept the criticism when it comes and take it like a man. You won't earn any respect with that whiny attitude. - Report As Spam
- Keyblader Cloud Strife - 01/11/2009
- i wrote it just for fun give me a break i never really tried i just winged it
- Report As Spam
- Kitty_Katastrophe - 01/08/2009
- I do have to say one thing, though. There is no such thing as a "perfect story," so to become a better writer, you have to take the bad comments with the good! Only hearing praise won't change the quality at all. By hearing criticism (Not insults! There's a difference! People who insult you are immature and should be ignored.) then you can take another look at what you've written and maybe make it even better!
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- Kitty_Katastrophe - 01/08/2009
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It has potential, but you have to expand on it! This thing could last for chapters, not paragraphs. If you really take pride in your work, then show us!
(continued in next paragraph) - Report As Spam
- Sai Suigetsu - 11/29/2008
- DONT LISTEN TO THOOSE ******** UPS BRO YOUR STORY AND AVI RULES NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE THEY ARE POOR AS ********!! 100/5
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