• Section A:

    1.
    KNOCK! KNOCK!
    Who 's there ?
    Aardvark
    Aardvark who?
    Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles.

    2.
    First Sailor: Are you going to the dance?
    Second Sailor: Dance? What dance?
    First Sailor: There must be a dance - I just heard someone yell "A-band-on ship".

    3.
    Why don't monks smoke?
    Because it could be abbot forming.

    4.
    A cowboy was being examined by his doctor.
    'Yours is a very dangerous life,' said the doctor.
    'Have you had many accidents?'
    'Nope!' said the cowboy.
    'Has nothing horrible EVER happened to you?'
    'Well, I was once kicked by my horse, and another time a rattlesnake bit me'. 'Don't you call those accidents?' said the doctor in amazement.
    'Nope,' said the cowboy. ' They did it on purpose!'

    5.
    A man was in court for having caused a road accident. 'When you arrived at the roundabout, what gear were you in?' asked the judge.
    'Well,' replied the man. ' I think it was green trousers, a white shirt and these shoes.'

    6.
    What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
    'It's Christmas, Eve!'

    7.
    Why did the family adopt a flight of stairs?
    Because they wanted some step children.

    8.
    Why are adults always complaining?
    Because they are groan ups!

    9.
    Two were sitting in an aeroplane.
    'Look,' said one if them who was sitting by a window.' Those people down there are so tiny - they look like ants.'
    ' They are ants, you fool,' said the other man, ' we haven't taken off yet!'

    10.
    What do you call an agent with two heads?
    A double agent.

    11. Doctor, doctor, I think I am a pint of beer.
    Gosh that's a terrible ale-ment.

    12.
    What is the ghosts' favourite airline?
    British Scareways.

    13.
    How do you stop someone stealing fast-food?
    Fit a burger alarm.