-
It was a dark and stormy night over the Marie house. Lightning struck. Thunder crackled from above. Something terrible was to happen that night. Everyone in the household knew. But there was one that did not though. The young five-year-old mistress that was playing in her room. Rose was her name. She had long, silky black hair, dark as the night itself. Eyes as yellow as the sun. The young mistress Rose got up off her floor and looked around the large room. It was empty with only her bed and toys. Rose sighed and walked over to her toy box for yet another toy.
While digging through the box, lightning struck and the power went out. The mistress looked up quickly and went toward the window. The storm got worse and the only light in the room was the reflection of the moonlight and the lightnings shine. Downstairs, maids and butlers raced through the house, looking for candles.
“Slowly,” she thought to herself. And she did so. Walking to the door slowly, Rose listened to the sound of her servants' running feet. When she reached the door, everything became silent. Not a voice, no sound of feet walking across the floors. Rose held her breath as she opened the door. But behind it was a horrific sight. Her mother's body laying on the floor, a bloody knife in her back. “M-Mother,” she whispered softly, her lips quivering in fear. This was just the beginning though. Young Rose ran to her father's study as fast as her small legs could carry her. When she opened the door though, it was the same as her mother.
Sitting in his desk chair, a knife through the back. Rose dropped to her knees and hung her head low. “No. Not father too.” A maid ran up behind the mistress and turned her around. “Rose, run away. Get out qui-” Blood then oozed out of the maids mouth. Rose gasped as the maid fell forward, spitting up blood all over the five-year-old's face, arms, and chest. A knife to the back. Just like Rose's mother and father.
Quickly moving away, the girl curled up in a corner and stared at the bleeding maid. “What is happening? Why is everyone being killed?” she thought to herself questionably.
Rose waited a hour before pushing herself and walking out of the room. Everything was so quiet. The thunder echoed through the empty halls. When Rose made it to the stairs, she looked up and started to scream. Falling back, she stared up at the hanging body with a butcher knife to the chest. She did not see who it was until lightning struck, shining light on the face. Rose broke down crying then and there. Her only brother was dead. Her best friend was murdered! Rose stopped her crying when she heard a scream from downstairs with laughter following. The laugh sounded deep and low. That sound sent chills down her back.
- by monkies_gone_wild |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 08/21/2008 |
- Skip
- Title: The Sad And Lonely Child
- Artist: monkies_gone_wild
- Description: This is the story of a girl who lost her parents to a murderer. One of her own servants was killed right in from of her. This is part 1 of the story so tell me what you think.
- Date: 08/21/2008
- Tags: murder mystery
- Report Post
Comments (6 Comments)
- Avenged Vampire86 - 01/02/2009
- Yea the first paragraph is a big cliché, but it doesn't matter.
- Report As Spam
- alittlelamb13 - 12/17/2008
- its good! 5/5
- Report As Spam
- BadSeed26 - 12/16/2008
- I like it it is filled with suspense i will read the next one
- Report As Spam
- monkies_gone_wild - 08/23/2008
- I was really bored when I wrote this so I knew it wasn't going to be good. smile Oh well. When I finished writing though I felt a bit sad for the girl in the story because at the end she was stabbed by the killer.
- Report As Spam
- darklove_zorg - 08/22/2008
- My suggestion to you is to show, not tell. Read a great deal, and look for your voice. You haven't found it yet, but I think you have something to work with.
- Report As Spam
- uraCodfish - 08/21/2008
- You lost me at the first sentence. It's a dark and stormy night is one of the biggest cliches in the beginning of a story in my opinion. Be more creative. Sorry if that sounded rude, it wasn't suppose to.
- Report As Spam