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The day started out normally, and actually it ended normally. Nick got up at 6:30 in the morning, just like every morning. He immediately turned on his television to his favorite show. He didn't pay much attention to it, though. It was just there to comfort him, to chase away the dark shadows of the room that crept up on him during the night. He rubbed the few grains of sleep out of his eyes and got out of his bed sullenly.
"Another day, another chance to write my book." He said, his voice drowsing with the sound of a newly wakened person.
He traversed the few feet to his dresser. He bent down to the lower drawers of the dresser, cracking his back along the way. He rummaged through his clothes until he found his favorite pair of tan cargo pants and a striped shirt, just like every day. The clock's bold numbers showed the time to be 6:45; He knew he would have to eat before school started. He silently got up and slipped out of his bedroom.He crept quietly across the tile floor, because he didn't want his parents to wake.
He opened the cabinets where he knew Poptarts were waiting for him. He grabbed a pack and made his way back to his room. As he sat back down on his bed; He ripped open packet. He began to munch on one solemnly as he began to think about his book. It seemed like a lost dream, a fifteen year old guy writing a book. Almost everyone around him said he could never do it. His mother laughed, his father scorned, even his own friends looked at him like he was crazy. Yet, the words of his teachers, past and present, ran across his mind. 'You can do it.' They would say to him. He took heed of their words and began to open his mind to the new world.
It had beautiful mountains that had caps of beautiful white snow, purer than anything that existed still on the earth. The rivers jutted out from the mountains, bringing a wake of green with them. After the forests and the rivers and the mountains came the towns, small at first, they fringed the forests. Yet, at the very center of the land there was stationed a large town, bigger than any he had ever seen before. He knew it's name, Graundour, and he knew that it was the capital of this continent, the great continent of Lyacia. This town was the jewel of Lyacia, with its pearl towers, and ivory buildings that jutted from the beautiful cobblestone walkways. In the middle of this huge city stood a structure that was grander than the whole city put together. It was a large castle that shimmered with the likeness of a rainbow, in the morning sun of Lyacia it took on the appearance of galaxies colliding together. Fringed around the castle was many guards, they wore armor similar to the color of the castle, they would have blended into it all for the bow and quiver that was equipped to every one.
In his minds eye Nick saw all of this, this was the scene that he was going to write a paper on for Mrs. Alessandroni's English class. He grabbed his notebook and his new pen and almost began to start writing, but something caught his eye. It was his new pen. It had been a gift from his aunt, she got it for his birthday. It was a rainbow colored pen that seemed to glitter as he moved it. It was how he got the idea for Graundour's castle. The pen seemed to glide across the page when he used it, somehow his words came to life when it touched the page. There was something about the pen that made him want to write, and even now as he looked at the pen he was drawn to the page.
He thought this was kind of mysterious, but he shrugged off the feeling and began to write........
- Title: The Beginning of the End p. 1
- Artist: X1993
- Description: This is the first chapter or at least part of the first chapter of the book I'm going to write. I'd like to know what you think of it. Please be honest I can take it.
- Date: 08/14/2008
- Tags: fantasy book amatuer world
- Report Post
Comments (7 Comments)
- selket16 - 08/17/2008
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paragraph 1: what is his favorite show?
Paragraph 3: last sentence, he didn't want to wake THEM not HIM
Paragraph 4: "It seemed..." should start a new paragraph
Paragraph 5: "fringed around the Castle WERE, not WAS
Paragraph 6: Mind's eye, not minds eye - Report As Spam
- kittypuss123 - 08/15/2008
- ok i did not get a word that dude said thats comment is under me but i thought it was good
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- Marcus Evans - 08/15/2008
- Hmm, spelling and grammar are pretty good -- impressive for Gaia. Though, it should read "fifteen-year-old," spell it out and use the hyphens. Your descriptions of the city are good, if amusingly over-the-top. Ellipses are abused at the end: they exist only in groups of three or four; three normally, four if they are at the end of a sentence, as the forth would then be a normal period. Beginning focus on "normal life" gives away what will happen, so you might downplay it to preserve suspense
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- Black_Raven_Hearts - 08/15/2008
- its good
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- Azrah Shalangra - 08/15/2008
- Very well done
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- imBonbon - 08/15/2008
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Hii!
I read your story, and it's pretty good so far. :]
It's very descriptive, and paints an image in my mind when I'm reading it.
I like it :3 - Report As Spam
- anime_love45 - 08/14/2008
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to tell u the truth...i like it alot...and im SUPER picky wen it comes to novels!i also like the place that Nick is imagineing...i wish i could go there...but i give it a....4/5
^_^ - Report As Spam